― 52 ―

Schneider Strauss

I vas all der country hunting for a man I vants to meet,
I vas bursting me to schlog him on der cop.
If mine hands I vonce can on him lay, I'll hit him mit mine feet
'Till he'll neffer know vhich side of him vas top.
He vas “Dandy Pat from Ballarat,” mit mighty gifts of gab,
Und he got me to insure me for mine house,
Put, py shinks, if I comes down on him, I'll schlog him mit a schlab
Till he von't some more tricks play mit Schneider Strauss.

I vas built mine house mit packing cases, roofed him in mit tin,
Mit a gutter for der vater, und a shpout;
Und suppose some leetle cracks der vas, vat let der vind come in,

  ― 53 ―
Dere vas lots of pigger vons to let it out.
So efery night I drunk mine pipe und shmoked mine lager peer,
Und I felt shoost most ash happy ash a mouse;
Till von efening apout two o'clock, a voice falls on mine ear,
Und it said, “Vas you dat man called Schneider Strauss?”

Und der voice vas dat insurance man. He coomed und sat him down
On a candle box, und talked like eferytings;
Py der vay der vords fell out of him, you'd bet a half-a-crown
Dat his tongue vas on a see-saw vorked mit shprings.
Und he talked apout insurances, und told me I could get
Lots of money if a fire purnt down mine house,
So I paid him down two pounds ker-splash, und says to him, “You bet,
Dat you von't no plowflies catch on Schneider Strauss.

Dat insurance man he gafe me, vat you call, “a polisee,”
Und I nearly laughed mine sides out mit der yoke.

  ― 54 ―
In apout a veek, or sefen days - mine house - Oh, vhere vas he?
He vas gone; und dere vas notings left but smoke.
So der Gompany I vent to see, to get mine leetle bill,
Und I promised me a yolly big carouse;
But, like forty tousand tons of boulders falling down a hill,
Did der troubles tumble down on Schneider Strauss.

Vhen der Gompany I seen he asked me vhat I vas apout?
Und I told him I vas coomed to get some tin.
Put, he called a pig policeman und shouted, “Roon him out.”
Und he rooned me out, und den he rooned me in,
Dey put me on a canvas suit, dey cut me off mine hair,
In some vater cold like ice, dey made me souse;
Und der shtones I vas a preaking oop for six months, you can schvear
Dey vas not so bad proke oop ash Schneider Strauss.

  ― 55 ―
Und mine house vas gone to plazes, und mine money vas gone too;
Dat insurance man - vhere he vas - who can tell?
Und mine polisee - mine lots of tin - vas gone clean oop der flue.
It vas turned to shmoke, und dat vas gone ash vell.
Put, I vant dat nice insurance man, to schlog him on der cop,
If I drop on him he'll vish he vas a mouse,
For I'll turn his outsides inside, till I bet I'll make him shtop
Playing paddymelon tricks mit Schneider Strauss.